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Post by CEO Harvey McCutchins on Jan 16, 2011 19:11:44 GMT -5
Feedback for Ward's RPs here.
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Post by "The Divine Chaos" Galen Ronan on Jan 19, 2011 21:18:32 GMT -5
Well, I may as well. I see a lot of potential in these roleplays (though the John Cena pic base puts me off more than a bit <.<), but a couple of things that keep them from being really premium quality in my mind. First of all, paragraphs. Paragraphs - one of the most important part of a roleplay is formatting, and how it reflects on the eye - and if how it reflects is huge, huge blocks of text then no-one's going to want to read it. Second of all, grammar, spelling and punctuation - these go hand in hand with eachother and of course, the above. All of these are important to make a very smoothly-reading RP - a typo, or especially several typos, can quickly and easily break any sense of immersion the reader had. Third of all - you and Miley are two accounts of the same handler, right? Way I see it, the breaking it up with two seperate accounts is a bit obnoxious and completely, utterly breaks the flow. You can very easily have two characters on one account, and while I have no objection to two roleplays in one account, putting them together in one roleplay is... no good. Fourth of all - your character seems rather... flat. 2D, generic. This can pretty easily be worked out - just give the character some depth and development, backstory, why he wants to do what he wants to do, motivation. While your writing has a lot of potential, it's no good to hear just wrestling-talk week after week - some character development could work wonders. You have a lot of potential in your writing, and while it does need some work, I look forward to seeing how you expand and grow upon that work here in RoR. ~Galen
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Post by Not Super Pollo on Jan 19, 2011 21:38:05 GMT -5
I think your recent rp of you banging Miley was completely unnecessary and had no character development dude lol. It was actually sorta awkward.
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Post by CEO Harvey McCutchins on Jan 19, 2011 22:01:42 GMT -5
I've already approached BOTH characters about the character development RP. Taken care of.
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Post by uncrowned on Jan 22, 2011 3:09:47 GMT -5
That is so 2002.*facepalm*
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Post by "The Cult Classic" Rachel Cole on Jan 26, 2011 12:59:41 GMT -5
I see you making a mistake ALOT of people make in this game and wanted to comment on it.
Alot of the time when people are losing or have people give them some negative feedback on their character, they feel they need to completely overhaul the character (change pic base, music, moves, Names etc.) thinking that these things were the problem in the first place. I did it when I first began myself actually, but it doesn't make things better or the issue go away. You didn't need to completely change your character to something different because there was never any criticism towards the actual character. It is your RPing that needs to improve and from that your character will grow and improve. Galen Ronan gave you some great advice as to the issues with the RPs which you could take to improve the character you HAD. Instead you just completely changed the character without making the proper improvements to the RPs. Basically, even with the revamped character you are still going to come across the same problems and frustrations.
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mikola
Junior Member
We Are The Chosen Ones
Posts: 57
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Post by mikola on Jan 28, 2011 14:57:54 GMT -5
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Post by "The Divine Chaos" Galen Ronan on Jan 28, 2011 17:19:19 GMT -5
... This should be interesting.
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Post by Not El Hijo de Pollo on Jan 28, 2011 18:03:50 GMT -5
It wasn't him guys, Miley Michaels went on his account and posted those in place of him!
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Post by "The Divine Chaos" Galen Ronan on Jan 28, 2011 18:33:14 GMT -5
It wasn't him guys, Miley Michaels went on his account and posted those in place of him! Oh lawd! Now it makes sense!
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Post by CEO Harvey McCutchins on Jan 28, 2011 19:09:18 GMT -5
Thread locked until further notice.
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Post by CEO Harvey McCutchins on Jan 28, 2011 21:43:16 GMT -5
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Post by "The Cult Classic" Rachel Cole on Jan 31, 2011 19:10:52 GMT -5
I think your spelling and grammar has improved with this RP and that you might be on the right track... but here is my issue... and I'm sure others will have the same issue: the Royal Rumble Play by play. Firstly, I personally like to believe that WWE doesn't exist in my E-world... but that is a personal preference. But either way, your RP should not be based around solely another wrestling federation, real or fake. And that is all your RP was; a play by play of another wrestling match and your own personal comments on it. If you want to comment on the Royal Rumble write a blog or bring it to the real wrestling forums. There was just too much real wrestling references to be taken seriously... when you should be concentrating on your own match and opponent and your character development.
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Post by Not Super Pollo on Feb 1, 2011 1:03:14 GMT -5
I'm not sure what everyone's problem is around here, but I honestly think you are the most underused and underrated character around. I think their is so much subtle genius in all of your rps. You know how to evoke emotion and I much rather you kept John Cena as your pic base. He's used so rarely.
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Post by Not El Hijo de Pollo on Feb 1, 2011 1:06:44 GMT -5
I'm not sure what everyone's problem is around here, but I honestly think you are the most underused and underrated character around. I think their is so much subtle genius in all of your rps. You know how to evoke emotion and I much rather you kept John Cena as your pic base. He's used so rarely. Just lock the thread, this is all the feedback he needs. That and he needs to use a couple of Malcolm X lines in his next RP.
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